Reliance?
Posted on Saturday, 14 January 2012 @ 22:22
Sudden surge of emotions in me. So I felt like blogging one of them out.
One of the many things and frustrations lingering on my mind for days. And yes, screw all these project deadline, tests, exams, over-thinking to cause me to be so inconsistent.
And today's post will be about reliance. People's 'reliance' on me. And my reliance on them.
It just recently came to my mind and made me notice how many people in my life would approach me when they need help, advices and a listening ear. Yes, I'm honored and glad that they actually approach me when they need someone to be there to hold on to them and keep them up from falling, someone to be there to make them feel better.
But I realized that out of the many who approached me, most of them would just disappear after 'receiving' what they need from me. This left me hanging there, thinking 'So I'm of this much to you? I'm worth only this much - only to be used and then thrown away?'
I feel the reliance on me recently but I don't feel it the other way round from most people. It's like they only come to me when I'm needed. I listen to them when they need to. But they somehow don't even bother when I need them to listen. It's TOTALLY quiet over here when I'm not needed.
I still have these thought that I'm not worthy enough for many many things.
But somehow, they pull that worthiness down too.
And also, make me feel that nothing is worth it.
Make me feel that I'm not important at all.
I'm super frustrated now. I'm trying to void things out from my mind.
But they just keep coming back, getting more serious everytime they do.
Hola,
☁onebluesky
That I’m not an island, but an iceberg
The four seasons never suitted me in the first place
I’m a cold child
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