Confidence
Posted on Sunday, 18 December 2011 @ 00:11
Something I have been battling non-stop. Something that I have no idea when it became an obstacle for me.
I know this is an issue not only faced by me but also, by many others out there.
My biggest insecurity I should say, is my body size. (It's pretty obvious, I have been talking about it many times already) And it's been an on & off thing for me all these while. Sometimes I just don't feel like caring how people see me, I feel that I'm alright but sometimes it pulls down my confidence level so much that I just wanna cover it up with clothes.
This thing have always been on my mind for so long (One of my worries). And I kept asking for myself just to gain some kg till about 45kg and I'm satisfied. I don't want a perfect body that everyone finds attractive. I just don't wanna look so skinny. But this seems so impossible. And a simple word from someone talking about issues related to my body size affects me so much that I dwell on it non-stop.
My friends kept telling me 'Why bother bout how they view you?', 'They are just the passerbys in your life. They won't even remember you after judging you for that few seconds and you dwell on it for a few hours/days. No point!' etc..
But the truth is, no matter how true their point is, how badly I repeat that it doesn't matter to myself, it still have this affect on me. And these few days is my down level on my confidence again. And I know some see this as an unappealing thing. The low confidence thing.
And I'm still finding ways to make myself feel better. It takes time. But it's just either I really find a way to solve this problem and gain some weight or I just accept the way I am afterall.
And I know it seems like I don't take in advices from others who have been telling me to 'EAT MOREEEE!', 'Eat more eggs! Drink more milk! Eat more cheese!' etc.
First of all, I repeated myself many times: I EAT A LOT. PROBABLY MORE THAN YOU!
(Though my appetite's been pretty small these days.. ):)
And secondly, it's not that I don't wanna try drinking milk or eating cheese. I dislike milk and plain cheese. And I don't see how forcing myself to eat something I dislike so much can help me gain some weight -_-
(I tried the cheese diet because of the stories I heard from my sis and Mazzie)
But I failed in it. I tried to force myself to eat something I dislike (plain cheese, I love cheese from Pizzas though! whooo!~) and I ended up gagging or almost vomiting them out coz I dislike the taste a lot.
So if there's anyone out there who manage to who reads my blog or 'pass by' (?) my blog and know of any ways to gain weight or know any dietician please drop it at my formspring account. Although there might not be any at all but it's worth trying~
And yes, I'm intending to seek a dietician soon. Hopefully it's within my budget. :/
And lastly~ Excuse me for my whining about this issue YET AGAIN. Needa let it out~ :x
Anyhoos~ I changed my blog song to Ukiss's Tick Tack. I kinda like the song. I like the dance moves more. I think their dance moves are improving everytime they come up with a new song! (:
Check the MV out below!
*Can't wait to meet Sharrie tomorrow! It was fun when I went there with Naddie. All the memories keep coming back! (:*
Hola,
☁onebluesky
That I’m not an island, but an iceberg
The four seasons never suitted me in the first place
I’m a cold child
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